Oh, and in case you didn't know... I'm a DOCTOR!!

Why do some people believe that insisting you refer to them by their professional title somehow will make you respect them more? Truthfully, it just pisses me off. It also makes me wonder how miserable they really must be in life if their happiness rests on how many times they can put a tally by the "Times I've been called Doctor today" line in their journal at night. Don't get me wrong, I have immeasurable amounts of respect for people willing to go through that much schooling, training, and daily onslaught of things only the genuinely brave could stomach. The part that gets to me is the insistence on being called Doctor even in mere conversation. I deal with doctors quite frequently with my job, and only a few of them are this anxious about people knowing their status on the pecking order of life.

The reason this is getting to me now is I spent two hours… yes… TWO HOURS with a woman in my office yesterday who repetitively dropped this tidbit into our discussion, "Well, my husband is an international doctor who is highly respected, I'm sure you've heard of him. He's the best facial surgeon in the country." (I've heard of many, I'd never heard of him) Well, after two hours going over her needs/wants/anything she could think of to throw in my face, including suggesting I have her husband fix mine (yes, I was biting my tongue on that one) she left my office seemingly satisfied with the outcome.

To my surprise, and to be totally honest, dismay, I received this message on my phone this morning, "Maren, this is DOCTOR X, Mrs. X's husband. You spoke with her for a little bit yesterday and were unable to resolve our doubts about what is going on with her account. Call me AS SOON as you get this. DOCTOR X, 555-5555, once again that is DOCTOR X." Dreading the upcoming exchange of egotistical dialogue, I picked up the phone and slowly dialed his number.


"Doctor X's office…"

"Hi, this is Maren with University Healthcare Attorney General's Office, can I speak with Doctor X please?"

"One moment."

Waiting, waiting, waiting… He is obviously a very important person since I have to wait so long for him. Waiting, waiting, waiting…

"This is DOCTOR X"

"Hi Doctor X, this is Maren with –blah, blah, blah- sorry I missed your call, what can I help you with?"

"Maren, this is DOCTOR X, you spoke with my wife Mrs. X yesterday about a recent surgery she had. Do you remember?"

Silently I roll my eyes - how could I forget?!?

"Yes, I remember, what can I help you with?"


Here comes the barrage of how I didn't explain a single thing (oh, but I did) and how confused I left his wife feeling (is that why she left smiling and thanking me for all my help??) and how he DEMANDS that I tell him why the actual charges on her account ended up being more than the *estimate* they were given pre-op. I clarify that an estimate is just that… an estimation of charges that will accrue during the surgery, and that sometimes there are things that come up mid-procedure that will cause additional charges to be added to the final balance. This is what happened on Mrs. X's account, I explain.

His response, "I am a DOCTOR, and I know how charges come about, what I don't know is how YOU PEOPLE (man, I really hate when people say that) can't get your charges right and give us a correct estimate when we ask for one! Is it really THAT DAMN DIFFICULT??"

"Like I said Sir, an esti…"

"Sir? SIR? I'm a DOCTOR and you WILL call me DOCTOR! I didn't go though years of medical school and work as hard as I have to get where I am to be called SIR!!!"

UGH! Here we go…

"I apologize. Doctor X, like I said, an estimate is just an amount that is presumably going to be the balance on an account. It is not a guarantee. There will always be the possibility of additional charges being added due to the fact that with surgeries there is always a chance of the unknown happening. Since you're a DOCTOR I'm sure you understand that completely."

"Uh, well, I guess that is possible, but…"

"Along with that, DOCTOR, I'm sure Mrs. X also explained to you that she was fully satisfied with the breakdown of accounting I gave her yesterday, as well as the discount I gave her on the remaining amount."

"She did mention…"

"I'm sure, DOCTOR, she also explained to you that all of your accounts have now been fully satisfied and the issues with your insurance companies were settled with a simple phone call to customer service. She has my number if she has any further questions."

"Well. Umm. That is good then. She will be calling you to get a receipt for that payment she made."

"She received one yesterday when she made her payment, DOCTOR. If she needs another copy, I can mail her one today."

"Uh… no… the one she has should be sufficient."

"Ok then, is there anything else I can help you with, DOCTOR?"

"Uh, no." Click.

No "thank you." No "have a nice day." No "goodbye." No "thank you for adding twenty three tick marks to my daily count of times people called me DOCTOR." Nothing!

Can I just tell you, I'm OOZING respect for him right now. I'm dying to just bow down on my knees and kiss his feet because, in case you didn't know… He's a DOCTOR!!





Ok, I'm done now. Thanks for listening to my ranting.