have you ever wanted somthing so bad your heart ached for it?

I am a very spoiled girl. I will be the first to admit that. I have been all of my life.

While I was growing up, my dad was the breadwinner. Working steadily whether he liked his job or not. This allowed my mum to stay home with us kids. My parents worked very hard to give us a great life, not an easy feat by any means! We ALWAYS had what we needed, and usually on top of whatever we needed, we got whatever we wanted. True, there were those times I thought I would just DIE because I didn’t get 5 new pair of the newest/coolest jeans like my friends did, but I never went without. I always had presents to open on my birthday, and every year I woke up to Christmas gifts falling out from under the tree like a waterfall. But even more than material things, I was spoiled with the things money can’t buy. I was encouraged to get educated, I was held responsible for decisions I made and was taught that actions (whether good or bad) will always have a corresponding consequence. Any time I was betrayed by a friend or hurt by someone I held close, my mum would be there to wipe away the tears and to tell me two things, 1) that even though it was aching, to keep my heart kind and caring because that is what made me who I am, and 2) to remember how what they did made me feel, and to never make anyone else feel the same way I was feeling right then. I was taught many valuable life lessons that I still use to this very day, but above all else… I always, ALWAYS knew I was loved. I’m not saying I had the perfect life growing up. I didn’t get along with my parents for a good portion of time there, but even when I was convinced they hated me and were out to ruin my life, deep down I knew that what they were doing, they did out of love and concern for my wellbeing. Being loved so unconditionally can do amazing things for a person. Still to this day they don’t always agree with decisions I make, but they still love and support me without question. In many aspects of life, having this upbringing has made life easy. Always knowing I have my family to fall back on, knowing they’ll be there for me no matter what…

That being said, there will always come a point in one’s life that no matter how surrounded by people they are, and how drowning in love they might be, they still feel inexplicably alone. I fear I’ve reached that point. One thought streams through my head on a near constant basis as I sit here and contemplate the crossroads I’ve reached, “That kind heart my mum told me never to lose sure is being put to the test!”